A Friend Constantly Wants to Talk About Herself: Should I Cut Her Off?

Our close companions for over two decades, who has overcome several hardships, her resilience is commendable. However, she's repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse left her, which came as a massive blow. Many of her social circle vanished during that time, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. This surprised her. She put in more effort to be my friend, and must have grasped better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, quite a few in her circle vanished without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for became hostile, although she had been an excellent employee, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, both of us retired and are seeing time together, however, I feel my role in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce subjects only for her to redirect the talk toward what interests her. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. I try to recommend factchecking or other angles.

She is organizing a holiday to a country I know well repeatedly and resided in for some time. I tried to provide insights, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her decisions. I've just returned from four weeks in that country and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to be a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is pulling back. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, yet this is rarely a smooth outcome that we desire. But confrontation with a view to working things out takes courage and openness on both your parts.

Experts suggest using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. It should be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement here. Emotions are valid, after all. Finally is to ask how you are both will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember she too has her own side, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak while I will remain silent for a set time."

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss your concerns, as some people cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they cannot let go of as it feels essential relies on it and it's all they've known. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare here, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react this way then consider about what you've said. And even if you never reach a fix, it will give you peace that you've been open and direct.